he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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