and you said cock pushups were impossible
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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