I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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