pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
