Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
