Well douche your snatch and let's go!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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