We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
