just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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