Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
