i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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