we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
