when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
