if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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