i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
