If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
