Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
