yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
