Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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