We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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