some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
