i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
