i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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