Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
