just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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