girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
