The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
