How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
