So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
