On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
it hurts more in the daytime
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
