Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
