I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
