I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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