i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
