Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
