Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
