so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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