your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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