Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
