Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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