as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
