omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
