my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
