I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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