Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
