Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
