Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
