Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
