Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
