whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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