Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
