Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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