The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
