I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
