then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
