The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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