She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
