I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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