I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
