I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
