so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
