I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
