Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
