It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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